Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
