I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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