my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
