i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
