Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
