I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
