Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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