Got a toothbrush?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
