Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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