my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
