Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
