Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
