No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
