Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
