Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to cum in my sink.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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