Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
