thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
