And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
