Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
