people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
