Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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