im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
