i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
