I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
