So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
