bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
