batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
