Too much gin, very little bucket
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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