so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
