I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
