I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
