Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
