I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
