So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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