Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
