Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
