he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
