You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
