Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
