get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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