I am puke
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
