first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
