Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
