ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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