It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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