The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
