Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
