are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
