Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
