Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
