first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
