my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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