She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You smell like stripper and shame
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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