alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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