There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
