Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
