If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
